Sepatu Khusus Haid?

Saat jalan-jalan di mal dengan Elok di Jakarta, kami langsung terkikik melihat "papan penunjuk" di suatu department store yang lumayan terkemuka di seantero Indonesia (lihat foto). Rupanya meski toko ini memiliki jaringan yang luas dan sering pasang iklan promo diskon di Kompas, orang-orang di balik jaringan toko ini merasa nggak perlu mempekerjakan atau menyewa editor/konsultan bahasa....


Nggak percaya? Bolehlah kita tengok satu-persatu:

Baris pertama... anak = children masih lolos gunting sensor (meski kalau aku pribadi lebih suka menulisnya "anak-anak").

Baris kedua... pria = mens sudah mulai ngaco. Di mana-mana juga, bahasa Inggris "pria" ya man. Mungkin maksudnya pria (jamak). Kalau gitu seharusnya men, nggak usahlah pakai ditambah huruf "s" di belakang. Alih-alih memiliki arti "pria", kata itu malah secara otomatis mengingatkan pembaca kepada kata yang mengacu ke tamu bulanan perempuan.

Baris ketiga... sepatu pria = mens shoes lagi-lagi disusupi huruf "s" di belakang kata men yang sama sekali nggak diperlukan. Apa itu maksudnya, sepatu khusus haid?

Baris keempat... remaja putra = youth boys kembali mengundang dengusan tawa. Baru tau, ternyata kata teen(ager) sebagai padanan kata "remaja" tidak cukup membumi ya?

Baris kelima... kecantikan = beauty sudah okelah :p.

Baris keenam... sepatu & tas wanita = intimmate, shoes & bags. Lho, lho... entah dari mana tiba-tiba muncul kata intimate (yang salah tulis "m"-nya dobel pula) buat nerjemahin hanya-Tuhan-yang-tahu-apa. Nah, di sini kita temukan inkonsistensi... wong tulisan sepatu pria sebelumnya diterjemahkan menjadi mens shoes, kok yang ini kata "wanita"-nya diabaikan, nggak diterjemahkan.

Baris ketujuh... wanita = ladies sekali menunjukkan inkonsistensi. Masak kata "pria" sebelumnya diterjemahkan menjadi mens, begitu ketemu kata wanita kok ujug-ujug jadi ladies. Pasangan men 'kan women, sedangkan pasangan gentlemen baru... ladies.

Baris kedelapan... remaja putri = youth girls kembali memancing tawa sumringah akibat kasus yang sejenis dengan tulisan di baris keempat.

Baris kesembilan sekaligus terakhir (maklum fotonya kepotong)... peralatan rumah tangga = home.... titik. Duuh, niatnya mau jualan rumah atau peralatannya sih? Kok appliances-nya ditinggal....?

Orang Paling Ga Mutu Sedunia

Selasa lalu di kantor aku bertemu dengan orang paling ga mutu sedunia... setidaknya untuk hari itu. Gedung kantor kami cuma terdiri atas empat lantai (ga termasuk GF dan lantai 5 yang terbuka). Kantorku sendiri ada di lantai empat.

Pagi itu, alih-alih dari GF seperti biasanya, aku menanti lift di lantai 1. Di depanku sudah berdiri seorang bapak yang sama-sama menunggu lift sampai di lantai 1. FYI, dasar emang gedung tua, satu lift (dari tiga) yang ada di gedung perkantoranku ini bisa dibilang sudah tidak beres. Kasus lift brenti di tengah jalan dan begitu pintu dibuka yang terpajang malah dinding bangunan udah bukan barang baru lagi, yah setidaknya dulu. Aku sendiri alhamdulillah selama 2,5 tahun ngantor di gedung ini baru ngalamin hal itu sekali (bukan berarti minta lagi ya...).


Selain lift yang suka ngadat di tengah jalan, masih ada satu lagi hal menyebalkan dari lift satu ini. Sensornya ga nyala (kalau memang lift ini punya sensor). Jadi seumpama rombongan delapan orang mau masuk lift, orang yang masuk pertama kali harus langsung mencet tombol "buka pintu" supaya yang dapat giliran belakangan ga terjepit pintu lift. Nah, kalau orang yang sudah masuk dalam lift itu ga cukup ngeh untuk mencet tombol "buka pintu", jadi deh yang giliran belakang masuk sambil menahan pintu lift dengan tangan (ampun, ga ada safety-nya sama sekali!).

Nah, kembali ke peristiwa Selasa pagi itu. Begitu lift sampai ke lantai satu, si bapak langsung masuk ke lift. Sudah ada satu mas-mas yang ada di dalam. Aku yang ngantri belakangan masuk kemudian. Baru separuh badan yang masuk... eh tiba-tiba pintu lift menutup. Hah! Untungnya pintu ini kalau menabrak badan orang saat akan menutup, langsung otomatis membuka lagi. Mendengarku mengaduh, si bapak langsung berkomentar "Wah, pintu liftnya emang sensitif sekali ya...."

Sensitif dari mana? Wong, jelas-jelas aku baru orang kedua (dan terakhir) yang mau masuk ke lift. Semua orang di kantorku juga tau kalo baru dua orang yang masuk, pintu liftnya masih aman, ga akan nutup mendadak. Nah, kalo sudah orang ke-5 yang mau masuk, barulah patut was-was.

Si bapak dan mas-mas itu ternyata saling mengenal. Jadi mengobrollah mereka. Aku sendiri? Dengan kesal aku memandang si mas-mas (yang seharusnya menahan pintu) dengan tajam. Aku tau pasti kalau mas-mas itu bukannya memencet tombol "buka pintu", malah memencet tombol "tutup pintu". Aku yakin 100%.

Lalu bereaksikah mas-mas itu? Seperti bisa diduga, tidak sama sekali. Sekedar ucapan "Maaf, saya ga tau ada orang di belakang bapak ini." pun ga keluar dari mulutnya. Hmmm... tampaknya memang ada orang-orang yang pada dasarnya bebal. Pandangan menusukku ga dihiraukan, hatinya pun tak terketuk untuk merasa bersalah. Jadi lengkap sudah alasan gelar "orang paling ga mutu sedunia" kusematkan padanya hari itu.

Sunday Afternoon Blogging

Just changed my template and profile pic. I think it's now simpler and easier to read. Still learning how to use this new layout editing feature, though. Goodbye tricky html codes!
Haven't really done a significant update to the blog yet, but I guess this is a good start. I'm blogging on a bright Sunday afternoon at my office lodging where I can find free wifi leak. Fun, fun, fun! I think I'm gonna make this my weekly... or monthly habit!

Tiessa's 100 Quirks

Challenged by Elok to write a "100 Quirks", I was drawn into completing this piece of writing and found it pretty fun, here they are:

1. I have two sisters and no brothers. I am the middle one.
2. Both my parents, my big sis and my brother-in-law are lecturers. I never wanted to be one.
3. When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be either an astronaut or a rock star. I became neither since I graduated from chemical engineering and work at an explosives manufacture and distribution company.
4. I am not a sweet-tooth. I don’t enjoy eating sweet beverages and food.
5. My favorite chocolate is dark chocolate.
6. I don’t eat candies. My idea of candies is sugar-free, mint-flavored ones.
7. I buy “Fisherman’s Friend” at least four packs a month. I’m addicted to it.
8. My favorite fruit juice is strawberry juice.
9. My mother used to do my haircuts until I was 18. The haircut was always a bob-cut which made my thick hair look like lion mane.
10. I am a butter-hand. I tend to drop and spill things.
11. I have a simple taste of fashion. I don’t follow the trends easily.
12. It takes approximately one time for me to listen to a certain kind of song and recognize it the next time I hear it again. It doesn’t apply for classical music though.
13. I can’t stand hearing house-music and death-metal or any other forms of extreme metal music. They make me feel anxious.
14. My favorite Take That was Jason Orange.
15. My emotions are always reflected on my face. That’s why I can’t hide my feelings.
16. I used to collect stamps and cassettes.
17. I can’t resist sweet corn.
18. I am married to my college sweetheart; 13th July 2008 will be our first wedding anniversary.
19. I love cats. Too bad my husband disagrees with the idea of keeping one as a pet.
20. My guilty pleasure was watching E! Channel, but that was when we had the free cable TV.
21. I don’t watch TV that much. I only watch The Oprah Show during weekends and American Idol on Thursday nights.
22. I am pretty good at singing. I used to join the choir in junior high and was always chosen for the main team, never a substitute.
23. I am an alto. That’s why I usually sing guy songs instead of girl ones. The notes are more reachable.
24. Like so many other people born in the early 80’s, I used to watch those Japan superhero series like Gaban, Goggle V and Megaloman and loved them.
25. I am able to sing using the melisma singing-technique.
26. I constantly have songs running through my head.
27. Brian McKnight is my favorite singer. I collect all of his albums, except for the Christmas album. He has the smoothest voice I’ve ever heard.
28. I only have two dresses in my wardrobe.
29. I am a bad liar and it’s hard for me to convince people whom I’m talking to when the thing I’m saying is untrue.
30. I used to join the girl-scout in high school. I can still remember most of the Morse code I learned then.
31. I participated twice in the “Traditional December Journey” during high school. One of which I had to walk from Jogja to Purworejo by foot, following the route of Jenderal Sudirman. It took four exhausting days to do so.
32. I hate the smell of cigarette smoke. It makes me feel nauseous.
33. I wish my mom had me take a piano lesson instead of a traditional Javanese dancing class.
34. I don’t do handicrafts.
35. I can read partiture and sing it out loud.
36. I no longer have grandparents. My last grandparent passed away 9 years ago.
37. I started wearing jilbab the day after I completed the university test.
38. I cry easily. I mostly weep when I’m infuriated or sad
39. I have high cheek-bones.
40. I usually don’t wear high-heels, I have some pairs though. I prefer wearing a pair of comfy sandals or sneakers (I even prefer wearing my safety shoes instead).
41. I can’t stand cold temperature without wrapping my body in thick blanket or jacket.
42. I am easy to catch cold. That’s why I always have a supply of flu medicine.
43. Forgetting to bring my lip balm with me is an absolute no-no.
44. I am a phlegmatic-sanguine person.
45. I was close to being a book editor, but failed the final interview test.
46. I am a good listener.
47. I used to get an allowance of Rp 100,00/day when I was still in elementary school.
48. I love playing computer games, Play Station or merely simple cell phone games.
49. My favorite game of all time is the Sims series.
50. I loved Michael Jackson and his songs –before he became Wacko Jacko.
51. I don’t consider 80’s songs oldies. I think the term fits best for 60’s and 70’s songs.
52. I love doing crossword puzzles.
53. If visiting a friend or family, I’d automatically search and grab out something to read.
54. I wasn’t allowed to buy comic books. The lesser the pictures and the thicker the books were, the more my father would approve.
55. I dislike wearing make-up. It’s just so time consuming. I only wear half-full make-up when hitting the malls and full make up when attending a wedding reception.
56. I like mountains better than beaches.
57. I feel nauseous riding a vehicle traveling down winding roads. If I don’t succeed sleeping, usually I’ll end up throwing up.
58. That’s why I always carry a plastic bag with me, you know… just in case I throw up.
59. I think that wikipedia.org is the coolest online encyclopedia. I regularly look it up for references.
60. I always wanted a Transformers robot, but having an all-girl-siblings made our toy collection full of Barbie dolls.
61. I love playing Lego. My one and only Lego toys were the ones my parents bought me when I was a kid though.
62. I am usually attracted to tall and lean guys. I am not that into athletic type of guys, especially bodybuilder athletes.
63. I am a meat person. I don’t like eating veggies; I regularly eat vegetables just because I have to, not because I like consuming them.
64. I used to have a collection of scrapbooks filled with pictures (cut from the newspapers) of football players.
65. I try to consume yoghurt or fermented milk on daily basis. Not that I mind, though.
66. The first café I have ever been to was “Java Nuts”, a café in Jogja, during my college days. Too bad it is closed now.
67. When I was a kid, I’d trick my little sister into dividing her Halloween candies into two. I had already finished eating up my entire share of course.
68. I’m afraid of heights; they make me dizzy… not to the point of having phobia though.
69. I am pretty good at sewing clothes.
70. Carrots taste better before they’re cooked.
71. My favorite color varies between blue and dark green.
72. I don’t really like cashew. My favorite nut is hazelnut.
73. My sister and I have a complete collection of both English and Indonesian version of the Harry Potter books.
74. My mom said that I used to mimic Rod Stewart and Sheena Easton’s stage act when I was just 3 or 4 years old.
75. Denzel Washington is my favorite actor. He’s charming, good-looking and a great actor.
76. I also admire Sean Pean and Tom Hanks.
77. When I cry, I don’t make a sound, but tears do trickle down my face. I only make a sound when the cry changes to sob.
78. I really love Stevie Wonder. He’s so talented and an inspiration to so many people.
79. I read everyday, whether it’s a novel, magazine, or just a simple comic book.
80. My father is a Minangese and my mother is a Javanese.
81. I am the only person in my family who doesn’t study social science. My father is an anthropologist, my mother studied history, my oldest sister is a psychology and cultural-science graduate and my little sister majored in accounting.
82. I don’t do spatial IQ tests as well as complete IQ tests.
83. I love completing jigsaw puzzles. The more complicated it is, the more challenging and exciting it gets.
84. My favorite ice cream is Sandwich Ice Cream.
85. During my teens, I used to love this Italian football player, Dino Baggio, that I unhesitatingly put his picture in my wallet.
86. Deadlines energize me. No deadlines mean that I would put the task aside until the last minute.
87. A day before Eidil Fitr, my sister and I usually bake chocolate-chip cookies and black forest cake. They’re good actually.
88. I wept when I watched Lion King, the scene where Simba’s dad was accidentally killed by a stampede was really heartbreaking.
89. I am not that much into diamonds. I prefer pearls.
90. My favorite non-dark-chocolate chocolate-bar is Snickers.
91. I miss riding motorbikes. A thing I took for granted when I was in Jogja.
92. I wouldn’t recognize Indonesian celebrities if by chance I happen to meet them; unless they’re super famous that even my Dad would recognize them.
93. I hate flying bugs that fly without certain patterns and land randomly.
94. I love the songs from “The Sound of Music” and “Grease”. Not just the songs though, ‘cause both movies are classic.
95. I was fascinated by Dinosaurs during my kindergarten years. I have two books about them and learned three dinosaur songs: T-Rex, Pterodactyl and Triceratops.
96. My burp is soundless.
97. Lizards kind of scare me.
98. I don’t know what masuk angin is.
99. Today is my birthday. I’m already 27 now… God, time does fly! Only 3 more years to go to being 30.
100. Elok was right, writing 100 Quirks is definitely not an easy thing to do. I spent like hours trying to memorize my secrets and facts and finally writing them down.

I'm Still Here!

Ya ampun... udah lama banget aku ga update blog ini. Udah setahun lebih malah. Elok sampe protes-protes terus dan aku selalu menanggapinya dengan "OK, I'll write something!" tanpa benar-benar melakukan apa pun. But hey, I'm back... and I'm still here! Rasanya baru aja aku memulai "masa nganggurku" ini, kok tau-tau udah setahun... dan selama setahun lebih ini udah banyak hal yang terjadi, lho!


There's my wedding picture! Ya, itu salah satunya, akhirnya aku nikah juga. Foto-foto nikahan lainnya ada di sini.

Anyway, Elok menantangku untuk membuat tulisan narsis berjudul 100 Quirks, yang dengan senang hati aku terima untuk mengawali kemunculanku kembali di dunia blogging. Tunggu saja...